


Christmas At The Zoldyck’s

by emoleviackerman



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: 5 chapter one shot, Bottom Illumi, Christmas, Holidays, M/M, PWP, Sex, Smut, theres actually a plot this time, top hisoka
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:07:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27869666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emoleviackerman/pseuds/emoleviackerman
Summary: Hisoka and Illumi have been together since the Hunter Exam...but not a lot of people know of their relationship. This includes Illumi’s prestigious family, the Zoldycks, a family of assassins. Illumi receives a call from his father saying he must spend the holidays at the mansion and bring his “work partner” (Hisoka) with him. How will they break the news that they are engaged? Will they even tell them?Happy holidays from me and Hisoillu ;)
Relationships: Hisoka & Illumi Zoldyck, Hisoka x Illumi, Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Comments: 47
Kudos: 320





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AlyssIsBadAtWritting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlyssIsBadAtWritting/gifts).



Illumi’s phone won’t stop ringing. 

This wouldn’t be a problem normally, but given the situation, it is completely ruining the mood.  
The phone rings again, but there’s no way he can answer it, his mouth is full of his boy-hus-partner-Hisoka’s dick. Whoever is calling must really need to say something because it is ruining a perfect pre-sex blowjob. 

“Darling, should I answer this?” Hisoka purrs, his large, left hand moving to the bedside table to grasp the ringing phone while the other is occupied by pulling Illumi’s hair. Illumi looks up at him, lips pursed as he moves his face down on the shaft. He shakes his head, hands over the base of Hisoka’s dick as he slowly sucks him off.

“Illu...it’s ruining the mood. I can’t get my rocks off with someone calling you.” Illumi rolls his eyes and makes a gesture with his hands saying Hisoka can answer the cell. 

“It’s your father.” Hisoka points the phone down at Illumi, the words Silvia Zoldyck in bold, white letters against his screen light up on Illumi’s face. Illumi’s hot and bothered blood runs cold, pulling his swollen lips off of Hisoka’s erection and grabbing the phone from his partner’s hand. 

“Hey Silvia, what is wrong.” Illumi answers, standing butt-naked in the corner of Hisoka’s bed room, hands clutching his cell against his ear. Hisoka watches him, enjoying the view of his boyfriend completely naked (even if he was on the phone with his father). Illumi says good bye, but not I love you, to his father, hanging up the phone before returning to bed. 

“Why did he call you so much, must be important.” Hisoka says in a low tone, running his hands through Illumi’s raven hair.

“He wants me to come home for the holidays.” Illumi says against Hisoka’s sweaty chest.

“Hm? So you’ll leave me here without you for a week?” Hisoka frowns, curling a stand of Illumi’s dark hair around his finger. 

“No. He said he wants my business partner to come along as well. That would be you.” Illumi says in a traditionally Illumi monotone.

“You mouth was just around my cock. We are more than business partners, darling.” Illumi tenses, realizing he didn’t finish what they started due to a holiday-cheer-filled cock block by his father. 

“We need to leave for the Zoldyck estate tomorrow. We can pack in the morning, father has arranged a airship at around nine am.” Illumi says like he wasn’t just blue balled in the middle of an amazing blow job. 

“And until then?” Hisoka makes a gesture to his still very prominent erection against his stomach. Illumi squints, sticking out his tongue meekly as a ‘shut up’ kind of gesture. 

“Hm.” Illumi hums, resting pokerface , hand moving down to rap around his dick.

•

“Hisoka! Hurry up, we’ll miss the blimp.” Illumi bangs on the bathroom door, his and his boyfriend’s suitcase in hand.

“Baby, with your illegal driving, we’ll get there in time after I finish my makeup.” Hisoka says back, before Illumi kicks open the door with an angry, scrunched nose.

“My father doesn’t like it when guests are late.”   
Illumi’s eyes squint. “And he especially doesn’t like you.” Hisoka knows Mr. Silvia Zoldyck doesn’t like him, he is on his list of people to fight before he asks his future husband to kill him. 

“You like me, though.” Hisoka smiles, he licks his upper lip and puts his blue paint-covered paint brush. 

“Unfortunately.” 

“Hm. You make my love sound like an STD, Illu.” Hisoka slides close, nudging a knee between Illumi’s highs and tucking some of the assassin’s hair behind his ear.

“You are worse than any STD, you stained my favorite sweater with both jizz and Nutella.” 

“Hm, let me ruin this jacket with the first one right now.” Hisoka’s hands thread through the raven-black hair, pulling the Zoldyck close to his bare chest.

“Put a shirt on and let’s go.”

“Babe~” 

“Come on, Marrow. I don’t want to miss the flight and have my father’s money wasted.”

The blimp ride to Kukuroo Mountain is about two hours and Illumi spends it watching reality television and slapping Hisoka’s knuckles when he tries to grab his thigh in public. They text each other, which is stupid since they sit next to each other. Illumi doesn’t like to speak on flights because it’s awkward and people will over hear the fact he is a Zoldyck assassin and Hisoka is a mass murderer....for fun? Hisoka’s ears won’t pop due to the air pressure, and Illumi cracks a smile watching him pinch his nose and blow in pain. 

“Chew some gum.” Illumi says, clutching his hand against the velvet seat. “You always carry some.”

“That’s an urban legend, Illu. It’s not working.” He blows a bubble. Illumi just rolls his eyes and asks for a piece. They chew the bungee gum in silence, watching the cities and clouds pass by the window. 

Illumi thinks about how he is going to tell Hisoka that his parents don’t know they are dating. How they have constant sex and call each other pet names. How they live together, cook each other breakfast before jobs. How Hisoka was looking at picking out a nice engagement ring for the Zoldyck. Illumi also thinks about how his family will react when he sends them the wedding invite, how Killua and his little friend would react. God, Illumi hates his little, smelly friend. Ten year old boys need to learn how to shower. Thankfully, Illumi wouldn’t have to deal with his boyfriend obsessing over fighting that child over vacation, since Killua wasn’t bringing him to Zoldyck Christmas. 

When the aircraft lands, they go through the airport to grab a coffee at some popular chain restaurant. While Hisoka sips his overpriced, cotton candy frappe, Illumi breaks to him the news. They sit down at a metal table in the corner of a cafe, keeping a low profile. 

“My parents don’t know about us.” Illumi says, stirring a brown sugar stick into his black, hot coffee.

“Hm?” Hisoka says, lips around his massive, sugary drink’s green straw.

“They don’t know we are dating.”

“Illu, I know it’s not because you are ashamed of me, so what is it?” Hisoka takes another sip, legs crossed on the stool.

“My parents don’t know... I like men. The closest conversion about sexuality ive had with my parents is that marriage and devotion makes an assassin stronger.” Hisoka nods, and scoffs because his parents are a bit more than abusive, he also knows that when him and illumi are wed, they will be so powerful. “So I never told them. Plus, you’re the first person I’ve dated. So, for this Christmas, you are just my business partner.” 

“Business partner that knows how you taste.” Hisoka frowns, taking a losing sip of his drink. Illumi gives him a look that says keep up your antics and there will be no cuddles for the rest of the year. 

“I am bringing you to dinner because we are working on a job, not that I am in love with you, got it?” 

“What kind of job? An presidential assassination? Ooooh, what about an orphanage bombing.” Hisoka’s eyes light up when he says all of it, which gets stares from strangers sitting around them. 

“A confidential job we cannot talk about. Do not get carried away, Marrow.” Illumi states, stirring his expresso with his pointer finger. 

“What about our bed?” Hisoka’s eyes say: what about our wildly-active sex life and the needs of a twenty seven year old magician with the highest sex drive of anyone alive. 

“I’ll ask the butler to have your room next to mine. You can just sneak over or something.”His eyes say that they have to be quiet. Hisoka knows that’s not going to happen. 

“The butler~Baby, I love it when you talk rich boy to me.” The toe of Hisoka’s purple heels goes under the leather, bell cut pants Illumi was currently sporting. Illumi tenses.

“Not here. Finish your drink, let’s go.” Illumi grabs his hand and pins it down against the table. Hisoka only smirks and takes a long sip from his frappe. 

-

“There are so many tourists outside of your front door, Illu.” Hisoka purrs, hands on illumi’s shoulders as they walk through crowds of people gawking at the massive front doors of the Zoldyck estate. 

“Used to it. Daily, people try to come and kill my family for our money. Stupid to think they can beat my father.” Illumi says with his naturally-monotone voice. “Or me.” 

“I wouldn’t let them lay a finger on my darling.” Illumi feels heat in his race, covering his face with his hands. He becomes angered by feeling these teenage emotions of love and lust, his aura becoming more angered and his hair sticking on ends.

“I can protect myself, Hisoka.” Illumi states, pushing his boyfriend off of his shoulder. 

“Hm. I can’t wait to take a nice, hot shower after that long flight.” Hisoka stretches, arms above his head. Illumi rolls his eyes, he knows what shower is code for. 

“I’m not sucking your dick in the shower. Once I go home, I’m taking a nap.” 

“Ugh. You are no fun.” Hisoka groans, rolling his eyes. 

The Zoldyck Mansion seemed empty when Illumi got home, except for a butler, who greets both of them without words or a smile. Hisoka assumes it felt so empty because it was so big. The butler takes their bags, Illumi requesting to have Hisoka’s bags in his room. The butler doesn’t bat an eye, he just takes the bags away and leaves the couple alone.

“I’m going to show you around. Since you will be staying here for a week.” Illumi makes a gesture down the traditionally Japanese hallway. 

“Give me a tour of your bedroom.” Hisoka whispers hot and damp against Illumi’s ear, pinning him by his wrist against the empty hallway’s wall. 

“You are right. I am tired and need a nap.” Illumi remembers, pushing Hisoka away from him. “Your room is down the hallway.” Illumi jokes in a sarcastic tone, watching Hisoka’s face fall and cross his arms. 

Illumis room is nihilist and minimal, much like his outer shell of a personality. Hisoka had managed to crack open that shell like a Bostonian eating lobster, though with just a tiny bit of cooking for him and fucking him into next Thursday. The room was all black and white with a large, king bed dressed in grey sheets. 

Illumi’s back hits said sheets, Hisoka’s hands on either sides of his hips, nose in the crook of Illumi’s neck. Cold hands move under the expensive silk of Illumi’s cropped top, unbuttoning his corset and throwing it on the hardwood floor. Hisoka’s lips bite and nip at Illumi’s pale neck, hands holding the assassin down and in place. There’s heated kissing and Hisoka practically dry-fucks Illumi until there’s hands around his dick against his pants. 

“Fuck me already. Enough foreplay.” Illumi says with a stone-cold frown, hands on Hisoka’s shoulders. 

“What is your hurry? I haven’t even undressed, darling.” He smirks, kneeling upwards, off of Illumi’s body to unbuckle his pants. Illumi watches with wide, dark eyes as his pants drop. Hisoka was already hard and ready, dripping and flushed red. 

“My ‘hurry’ is that my mother will be back from her gardening soon and she will suspect something if we come out of the same room smelling of sex.” Hisoka pulls off his shirt as well as his pants, kicking off his boxers before pouncing back on the bed to yank off illumi’s remaining articles of clothing. His skin is pale and milky, a chiseled body from years of tough, assassin work. Hisoka loves his body, his chest and strong arms, his long legs and fantastic as-assets. Fantastic assets. 

Hisoka presses Illumi up against the bed frame, holding his wrists down with so many evil and dirty ideas. Illumi wants to shove him off and call him a dick head, but then, a hand dips under his pants: under the buckle, over the briefs. It’s warm and it’s rough and Illumi is pinned to the metal of his headboard, not a scenario he imagined himself enjoying but his penis seems into it . Hisoka’s fingers curl precisely. Illumi’s hips jolt back on instinct, then surge forward a heartbeat later as Hisoka bites into Illumi’s lip and strokes, sure and confident, over Illumi’s cotton-covered dick. The assassin goes limp and makes a soft, urgent sound against Hisoka’s mouth.

“For me? How sweet.” Hisoka purrs against Illumi’s lips, hand pressing against the curve of his dick under his expensive pants. 

“Shut...shut up.” He sputters, hips thrusting upwards. His circulatory system goes haywire and his cock gives a hard twitch and Illumi’s knees buckle. 

“You can make me.” Hisoka pressed a gingerly kiss to his belly button, over his lower abs and down his happy trail. Illumi’s face is heated, he bites the back of his hand as he watches his fiancé unzip his pants and press a kiss over the wet spot stained on his grey boxers. 

He reaches for Illumi’s hips, holding his dick in his fist like a shiny red compass needle.  
Hisoka crawls after him as Illumi shifts his position on the bed, cock throbbing, and thinks this is degrading, probably, but worth it. 

Illumi laughs, a rare sound, then breaks on a gasp as Hisoka licks it thoroughly, tasting Illumi in all salt and musk on his tongue. The gasp is a good thing, Hisoka thinks, and he opens his mouth and, maintaining eye contact, licks a strip up his boyfriend’s cock, balls to tip. Illumi makes a sound: a low, rumbling growl deep in his chest. Hisoka’s flutters his eyelashes, parts his lips, and then sucks the swollen head into his mouth. He loves making Illumi moan, laugh and gasp. It is his favorite hobby, even over nen and fighting actual children. 

“Hisoka-“ Illumi gasps, sagging towards Hisoka’s mouth like his centre of gravity is at the back of Hisoka’s throat. “Fuck yeah. Just like that.” Hisoka pulls off, hands around the base of his cock. 

“Do not tell me what’s good, what to do and do not tell me how to do it, okay?” Hisoka crawls up, hands over Illumi’s shoulders before kissing him aggressively. Illumi nods, blushing and hard out of his mind. 

“Okay.” 

“Good. Now, love, I want you ass up.” He says, hand over Illumi’s abs, tongue over his collar bones. Illumi thinks about protesting but his brain is leaking out of his cock. Hisoka grabs him by the hips and tosses him onto the mattress like he weighs nothing at all. His back arches and Hisoka’s knuckles trail his spine. 

“God, I will never get sick of that arch.” Hisoka smirks. “Now where do you keep your lube?” 

“Bedside table.” Illumi spits, hands pointing to the sleek, black table on the left side of the bed. Hisoka takes the lube, it’s not scented bubble gum, which he prefers, but it will do. “I’m in charge.”

Hisoka kisses Illumi once, right between his shoulder blades, and whispers into his skin, “I know you are,” and then he’s sliding two slippery fingers into Illumi’s hole and Illumi’s crying out, his legs spasming, his toes scrambling uselessly against the bed. It’s so much. The stretch and burn of it pulling at Illumi exquisitely. Hisoka’s got him pinned, his legs spread over Illumi’s thighs and holding him down. He touches the hot, golden gland of Illumi’s prostate and holds him steady and Illumi thinks oh my god and then just… stops. Stops thinking. Stops moving. Stops doing anything that isn’t taking short, gaspy breaths through his nose and feeling Hisoka’s fingers inside of him. 

“Good boy.” Hisoka growls, pulling his lubed fingers out and lining up his own dick with the cleft of Illumi’s ass. Illumi groans, feeling the heat of the tip of Hisoka’s cock against his opening. 

“Fuck me already.” 

“So bratty.” Hisoka pushes in and they fuck like rabbits. Quickly and rough, Hisoka pushes Illumi into the mattress and pulls his hair. 

It is exquisite. Illumi didn’t imagine it would feel this good to let someone else think for him. He slides his dick into a crease in the comforter and lets Hisoka fuck him closer and closer to that white-edged brilliance he’s craved since he walked out of the office. 

“Please,” he gasps into the pillow. The begging pulls him up short for a breathless second, like, does he want to beg? Is that a thing he’s into? Hisoka works him with long, slow pulls of his cock and Illumi licks his lips, and tries again. “Fuck, please. Touch me? Please?”

Hisoka hums against his skin, rapping a hand around his length and stroking him with every thrust. It’s warm and rough, soon both of them  
feel themselves coming closer and closer. 

“Oh my god-“ Illumi moans, spurting white ribbons over his stomach and the black pillows and sheets. 

“Good boy, good boy.” Hisoka smiles, pulling his hair back. “May I come inside of you?” 

“...yes, please...” illumi pants, tired and out of breath even though Hisoka is not letting up his forceful and aggressive pace. Then he came. Warm and thick inside of Illumi, hands pinning his and groaning loudly as he does. 

They lay in the aftermath, sweaty and cum covered and it’s only one pm. 

“Good way to start my stay at the Zoldyck estate.” Hisoka smiles, kissing Illumi on the nose. Illumi feels like his spine is going to fall out of his ass when he stands up to put his clothes back on, his back hurts from arcing and his scalp hurts from being pulled. They both get dressed, Hisoka fixes his hair and helps Illumi get the jizz out of his silky, black hair. They look presentable just in time for-

“Hello, Illumi. Is this your business partner?” A female voice says, standing in the door way and scaring both of them out of their skin.


	2. good morning (pt. 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> feitan portor, bungee gum, onsen baths, wake up calls and awkward family dinner

Illumi swears he’s going to have heart palpitations right here, right now. He does, in fact, Yelp. He jumps, turning on the balls of his feet to face his mother. He is screwed. Not even day one at his home and he has already been caught with a boyfriend. Maybe, if she ignores the messy room and the cum in his hair, he can get away with this. Hisoka, in her mind, is just a fellow assassin with a hunter license that can help him with jobs. Important jobs. Jobs that would make his mother proud. 

“Hisoka Marrow, charmed.” Hisoka smiles, holding out his hand to grab Illumi’s mother’s hand in his, pecking the ring on her middle finger and bowing to the powerful woman. Illumi wants to punch him, what a people pleaser. 

“Wow, I didn’t expect Hisoka to be so polite all of a sudden.” Kikyo Zoldyck cracks a smile at the corners of her chapped lips, stepping back. “Illumi, dearest, welcome home.”

“I’m glad to be back.” Illumi lies, blinking slowly. Kikyo nods. The air is full of tension, unneeded and sweaty tension that if Illumi lasted just a minute longer in bed, his mom would have caught them. He tries to put up a front, a bead of sweat dripping from his forehead. 

“Clean your room before dinner, Illumi. It is very messy and not at all how we raised you. And help your younger brother decorate for Christmas, okay? I’m not as tall as you two boys.” Miss. Zoldyck waves, leaving the room. The second she is gone, Illumi slaps Hisoka across the face. 

“We almost got caught in the act, you asshole.” Illumi barks, kicking Hisoka in the stomach and pinning him down against his desk, needles in hand. Hisoka just smiles and feels his heart beat faster, blood heating as Illumi holds his needles against his neck enough to draw blood. “Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was? How we could’ve been busted instantly?” Illumi wads up a ball of saliva and spits it in Hisoka’s open and grinning mouth. “Bitch.” He says after, getting off of him. 

“I love it when you are mad. I think it’s really hot.” Hisoka swallows the spit that Illumi graciously gave to him, hands going for the fly of his pants. But before this could go anywhere, a needle pins him to the wall by the ear. “You missed.”

“Next time I won’t.” Illumi says, fixing his hair. “Now let’s go help Kalluto and Alluka decorate for their stupid holiday.” 

“Oh come on, Illu. You don’t like Christmas?” Hisoka grins, pulling the needle out of ear and the wall before walking out of the room after him. 

“No. I’m over three years old, Hisoka.” 

“Oh come on. Not even mistletoe and hot chocolate? Or are you too much of an assassin to enjoy a good hot chocolate.” Hisoka puts his hand over Illumi’s shoulder, but it is quickly shoved off. 

“No. I prefer coffee.” 

“Of corse you do. Now, what are we doing?” Hisoka asks, looking at all the family portraits and baby pictures hung up on the wall. He smiles at baby Illumi, then at teenage Illumi and rolls his eyes when he sees a family portrait of just his parents and Killua. 

“Helping my siblings with Christmas decorations.” Illumi speaks, gesturing to the garlands above the hallway’s entrance. 

“Is the Zoldyck Christmas decor hearts of the innocent and skeletons?” Making small talk with his boyfriend was difficult because they didn’t need words to communicate. They had this mutualistic relationship where if Hisoka were to sneeze in York New City, Illumi would get a tissue at Kukaroo Mountain. The pair could look at each other without words, and they would understand each other. 

“I wish. It’s boring with just mistletoe and Christmas trees. Mostly because grandfather is Russian we celebrate. Mother is Japanese, we don’t really do English Christmas.” Illumi gestures to the large family portrait of the family. Hisoka smiles at Illumi with his fringe-side bangs and his bomber jacket. 

“Mistletoe? Will you kiss me under it?” Hisoka grabs the under of his ass quickly, checking either sides to make sure no one sees.

“No.” 

“Brother! You are home!” Kalluto pops out from behind a door with red and black tinsel in his hands. “And you brought Hisoka.” Kalluto drops the sparkly tinsel and looks at Hisoka with wide, pink eyes. 

“Mm yes.” Hisoka crouches down to Kalluto’s height, hands on his knees. “Your brother is quite found of me, you see.” 

“I am not.” 

“He is.” Hisoka smiles, eyes closed. 

“Feitan and Phinks don’t like you.” Kalluto says, tucking his hands into the pockets of his kimono. “They told me when I joined how annoying you are.” Hisoka’s smile falls, standing up and stepping back from Kalluto. Illumi cracks a smile, watching Hisoka walk past the child into the room. The room is a large living room, fireplace and couches. In the corner is a Christmas tree, Kalluto rushes around it and start putting the sparkles on the tree. 

“He is cute. Kalluto looks like you.” Hisoka smiles, leaning against the wall. “Your mom must be proud of his joining the spiders, eh? Ever considered joining them?” 

“No. The Phantom Troupe are not what they used to be.” 

“Do not say that around Kirapika.”

“Who?”

“The chain user.” 

“Oh. My brother likes him a lot.” Illumi’s eyes darken, thinking about others giving Killua brotherly love the way that Kirapika and Gon do. 

“But seriously. The troupe are an interesting group of people. Even if Feitan thinks I’m annoying. Annoying my ass. He can’t even speak Japanese right.” Illumi’s eyes blink: darling, you are getting way to angry about something a ten year old told you about the phantom troupe, whom you betrayed for fun. Hisoka rolls his eyes, saying: love, Feitan and Phinks have to right to call me annoying. 

“Killua should be home soon.” Illumi checks his phone screen, before continuing to loom over his younger siblings giggling around the tree. Hisoka knows there’s no way that Killua and Alluka are coming home for the holidays, but he won’t break the news to Illumi. 

“What time is dinner going to be? I wanted to take a shower before.” Hisoka stands in front of Illumi, looking to the side. 

“I’m not sure, but you can take a shower or there’s the onsen baths.” Illumi gestures to the door, Hisoka’s eyes light up. 

“Not right now, but you are definitely giving me a tour of the onsen like you did of you bedroom.” 

“That would be highly inappropriate.” 

“Hm. And what we just did wasn’t?” 

Hisoka ends up showering alone in the guest room, turning the heat up as high as he can get it. He sits alone in his thoughts, thinking about fighting Illumi and marrying Illumi and Illumi. And a little bit about fighting Chrollo and Gon. Just a little bit. 

“Hisoka! Hurry up in there! Dinner is soon.” Illumi knocks on the bathroom door. “I’m leaving a towel and a robe outside of the door, okay?” 

Dinner is simple, a traditionally Japanese style meal with the family, including Silvia, who gives dirty looks to Hisoka the whole meal, sit at the table. Illumi is sporting a green turtle neck and leather pants and Hisoka can’t get enough of him in those pants. The food is good, rice perfectly cooked, the curry is warm and flavorful. Hisoka enjoys the hot tea, a perfect compliment to his hot shower earlier. 

“So, Kalluto, how are the spiders?” Silvia asks, the large man taking a dainty sip of his wine. 

“Good. I like Phinks and Feitan. They have taught me a lot.” The pre-teen smiles, taking a spoonful of rice into his mouth. Hisoka rolls his eyes and Illumi kicks him under the table. 

“Illumi, dearest, care to tell about what you and Hisoka have been working on this Holiday season?” Kikyo stirs her tea with her pinky finger. 

“We cannot tell you anything about it. For your safety and for our families.” Illumi lies. There is no job. The only job he has is to ride that dick like a stolen car after this dinner is over. 

“It’s been a lot of fun. Your son is very talented.” Hisoka grins, ear to ear. 

“Not talent. Years of hard work.” Silvia grunts, cutting his food aggressively. Hisoka’s eyes narrow, he knows Illumi is born with his skill. His fantastic skill that Hisoka yearns to watch, to fight. 

“Hm. I’d argue that, just not here cuz dear Illu would hate me forever if I did.” Hisoka sips his tea, still grinning. Everyone, including Illumi, sigh. Illumi gives him a glaze that he knows, Hisoka knows, he’s in trouble. He knows he will probably be yelled at, but jokes on Illumi Zoldyck, hot goth boys yelling at him about how they want to kill him turns him on. He’s a cancer, sticky with rot that can’t be cut out, unresponsive to treatment. Instead of interrupting, or arguing, or saying something in defence of his indefensible awfulness, Hisoka says in a small voice, which is so rare for him: “Illumi is fantastic at everything he does, and you should give him way more credit for his work.” Illumi agrees with him, he knows he’s the best Zoldyck child, dark hair or not, but he pretends to disagree with his secret boyfriend. 

Desert is something Hisoka usually skips, it takes a lot to keep his body like this and ice cream and pie don’t help with that. 

The food is great. It’s probably great. Illumi so exhausted even his taste buds are shutting down, a medical anomaly he’ll google later. He eats a little and drinks a lot and tries to talk enough to avoid suspicion. His knee bumps up against Hisoka’s under the table from time to time. They play a quiet footsie while Silva rambles about how Killua should come home like a pair of teenagers instead of men in their late twenties. Illumi’s back hurts and his body is sore everywhere from the house tour earlier, he needs a massage and some after care. Maybe a nice soak in the onsen would help. 

When dinner is over, Kalluto follows Hisoka when he brings the dishes to the kitchen. He forgets he is in a massive mansion with a fleet of butlers instead of his quaint apartment he shares with Illumi. 

“Hisoka, you and my brother seem close.” Kalluto says quietly. 

“Yeah. He’s a good guy.” More than close, he thinks. 

“Will you walk me to my room? The dark scares me.” Kalluto says again, tugging on Hisoka’s shirt like he’s a normal small child and not an assassin who is a part of the Phantom Troupe. 

“You? A Zoldyck?” Hisoka questions, raising an eyebrow. 

“It scares me to not be able to see the enemy. If you are there, incase someone broke in, they would go for you first.” 

“Oh. See, that makes more sense.” Kalluto reminds Hisoka of a young Illumi, from when they met. It makes him happy, he hopes Kalluto will have a good life with the spiders, since they are a lot of fun to toy with. He walks Kalluto to his bedroom, the child doesn’t say anything before walking to his bed and turning off the lights. Hisoka can’t help but laugh, the family he is staying with are so strange. 

Illumi stands down the hallway and watches him, arms crossed and leaning against the wall. 

“You would make a great Zoldyck.” Illumi blurts as they walk down the hallway to Illumi’s room. Hisoka’s eyebrow raises, he knows that he will never take the Zoldyck name. 

“Would you like me better with white hair and blue eyes?” Hisoka grins, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

“You would be terribly ugly.” Illumi deadpans.

“Thank you, honey.” Hisoka sighs, playing with his hair as they walk. “You have another brother, why wasn’t he at dinner?” 

“Milluki? He is busy working on something for mother. He gets to skip dinner.” 

“Gets? You didn’t have a good time?” Hisoka questions, glancing at Illumi. 

“Your foot was on my crotch all night, talking my father’s ear off about how good I am at being an assassin.” 

“Are you not?” 

“No, I am the best Zoldyck assassin.” Illumi says in a cocky tone, rolling his dark eyes. 

“Exactly.” Hisoka purrs, he makes that way more sexual than it needs to be. Hisoka’s real nen ability is being able to make a Chinese take out menu sound pornographic. 

“Thanks for walking my brother to his room. He has been quite paranoid lately.” Illumi deadpans. “You are quite...quite hot with kids.” Hisoka grins and raises an eyebrow. 

“I do not think I’m father material.”

“Neither am I. Just saying, you are making a very good uncle to young Kalluto. I think he admires how you are an ex member of the spiders he looks up to so much.” Hisoka’s heart flutters. That was one of the sweetest things Illumi has ever said to him. The assassin was quite rough around the edges, but Hisoka knows inside, Illumi is the same teenager he met at the Olympics all those years ago. Reacting to the situation the only way Hisoka knows how, he grabs Illumi by the hips and throws him over his shoulder like he weighs three pounds. 

“Hisoka, put me down, now.” He pounds his fists into Hisoka’s muscular back in anger and embarrassment. 

“No, darling. I’m going to break your back for being so sweet to me.” Hisoka presses his nose into the crook of Illumi’s neck, kissing every bit of revealed skin his lips brush. 

“Keep it down, Milluki is in the room across from us.” Illumi gestures to a door with a sign that says ‘keep out’ on it. 

“Let him hear us.” 

“No, you fucking perv.” Illumi tucks hair behind his ear like he’s ready to fight. This only makes Hisoka want him more, and Illumi loves to fuel that fire. They play a game, as intricate as chess, of who can piss the other off more because they are both masochistic and there’s nothing the other one loves more than a good fight and a good fuck. 

“Hm. We’ll see who’s the fucking perv. Didn’t you graciously let me fuck you at what...twelve pm in your childhood bedroom?” Illumi flushes, eyebrows narrowing. 

“It’s not my childhood bedroom.” Illumi leans against his bedroom’s door, arms crossed across his chest. “And you initiated the fucking, per say.” 

“True, but you did allow it.” Hisoka grins.

“My back hurts, I’m going to bed.” Illumi states, unlocking the door to his room. Hisoka follows him, they fall back into his bed. Illumi lets Hisoka eat him out after a back massage against his starchy, black sheets before they collapse from jet lag against the pillows in each other’s arms. 

Kikyo bangs on Illumi’s bedroom door at around eight am, angry that Illumi has a job he is not working on first thing in the morning. This is not good though, Hisoka and Illumi shoot up in the bed, naked and tangled in each other’s strong arms. Illumi’s eyes are even wider, pushing his naked boyfriend off of the bed and gesturing to the closet for him to stay in until Kikyo can leave. 

“Illumi, dearest, open the door.”

“Fuck-“ Hisoka mutters, opening the closet completely naked and without makeup or hair product. Illumi mouths something like: just be quiet, I will settle this. Hisoka nods, and crouches down in the closet like he would hide on greed island. 

“Mother, I am coming.” Illumi yells, scrambling to find anything to put on from the messy floor of clothing. Hisoka closes the closet behind him, burying himself under all of the crop tops and leather pants Illumi seemed to own. 

“Illumi, open this door tight now and get to work with Hisoka. He was jot in his room so I assume he is already working on your project. He acts like your brother, Killua would have been up by now.” Hisoka rolls his eyes as Illumi’s mother says that, Illumi just sighs and slides on Hisoka’s boxers and a pair of baggy shorts to open the door. When Illumi opens the door, Kikyo is standing there with Kalluto by her side like always, he looks up at Illumi with sorry eyes. 

“Mother, it is the holidays. I took a break to sleep in.” Illumi apologizes, forgetting how the manor is so much different than his and Hisoka’s flat. 

“You are forgiven. Now work on your assignment with Hisoka, that charming boy was already up and his bed was already made. Who ever marries him will be a very lucky lady.” 

“…or unlucky man…” Illumi mutters, looking over at the closet.

“What was that, dear?” 

“Nothing mother. I am going to get dressed.” Illumi closes the door and the second it is shut, all of the oxygen in his lungs leaves. 

“Close call, eh?” Hisoka steps out of the closet, voice deep and tired from being awoken too early. Illumi give him a death glare, eyes turning from a dark brown to a deep purple. 

“Close call? If my mother saw you naked, I would kill you.” Illumi growls, eyebrows furrowed and lips pressed into a frown. 

“We need to work on our ‘job’, honey.” 

“Hm? The job we have to do is….wait…why are me here?” Hisoka looks puzzled. 

“Im not actually sure, father told me to come for the holidays.” 

“Hm…well, I saw a ramen place on our way here, want to go check it out?”

“Sure, it’s eight am, but okay.” Illumi cracks a small smile. “Put some clothes on first.”

“You love me like this.” Hisoka gestures to his ripped body. 

“Uh huh.” 

The ramen place was closed, but they had a fun time down in the small town around Christmas. Illumi has not even to the town since he was a teenager. Hisoka makes him give him a tour, even showing him where his favorite beauty store was and where he first shaved his eyebrows off. Hisoka find this amusing, he loves watching Illumi talk and just…exist. He loves Illumi and Hisoka can’t wait to marry him and have him hunt the magician down and kill him. The thought of fighting Illumi turns him on while they shop, but he stifles it and continues to follow his dearest fiancé though the crowds of holiday shoppers. They walked though stores and even found a candy shop that carried bungee gum. That made Hisoka very happy, and seeing him like that made Illumi happy. The weather got too cold for them, so the couple stopped at a cafe for coffee and playing footsie under the table. Illumi even picks out a small gift for Kalluto, a large knife. The walk back to Kukuroo mountain is cold, the snow starts coming down pretty hand half way up the mountain. Hisoka gives Illumi his jacket, allowing himself to almost freeze until they make it back to the manor. The couple decides to go to the onsen before dinner, to soak in the bath after walking up a whole mountain in the snow. 

“Stop looking at me like that. It’s like you have never seen a bathing suit before.” Illumi pulls his shirt over his head, crouched in the corner of the spa nervously. Hisoka had decided to take advantage of the manor’s large onsen style baths in the back of the garden. The snow was coming down pretty hard this December, of corse it would, the house resides on a mountain in a cold climate area. Illumi decided to join his secret boyfriend in the baths, even if it was a risk to being caught in a romp with his work partner. After all, could Illumi even refuse to see him shirtless? It would be a crime. 

“It’s a bath, not a pool.” Hisoka smiles, he keeps that resting, cocky grin on his face twenty four seven and Illumi can not tell if he wants to punch his lights out when he does that or kiss him gingerly. 

“Eh?” Illumi blinks, looking down at his jade green swim trunks and back up at Hisoka who was in just a mere towel around his waist. 

“What I’m saying, dear, is that you don’t bathe in a pair of trunks, do you? Last time we showered you were quite keen on-“

“Enough, Marrow.” Illumi snaps, trying to stay cool and collected as best as he can. The air is warm and thick, a large, bubbling hot tub in front of them. The damp and cool wood under Illumi’s bare feet is refreshing because for some reason his whole body is heating up. Illumi never grasped the idea of love or even sensual attraction until now…he was starting to understand the second one. Lust was usually the last thing on Illumi Zoldyck’s mind when he was trained before he was twelve to be a ruthless, killing cash cow for his parent’s luxury life style. 

“Oh well…if you’re going to be a prude, I guess I’ll go in myself.” Hisoka rolls his eyes in this sarcastic and tempting way, placing his large hand on Illumi’s shoulder before dropping the small towel and sliding into the hot tub. Illumi’s thoughts race, his muscles tense up, cheeks rush with heat and his fists clench. He just wanted to have a relaxing spa day in the mountains, take a steam bath and get some food, but instead he is getting hot and bothered over someone he’s not even sure what to call. Yes, they have had sex and no, they aren’t a couple. Illumi wouldn’t even call them friends, because no one was his friend. They were just two, compatible bodies when it came to sexual dynamics and also very good at combat together. No feelings, at least not on Illumi’s side. Instead, Illuimi sits on a bench in his shorts. He removes his shirt but that’s all Hisoka is getting for at least the next week. 

Is what he wants you to believe. Illumi does love Hisoka, but it’s going to take a while for him to wake up and realize this is what love is. 

Hisoka wants him so badly to join him in the bath and Illumi assumes he wants sex, that’s mostly what is on his mind anyways. Instead of giving him what he wants, Illuimi sits on a bench in his shorts. He removes his shirt but that’s all Hisoka is getting for at least the next week. It was hot in there, it is a sauna and a hot tub bath!

“Aren’t you going to join me? You payed all this money just to sit in the corner in your shorts like I haven’t seen your penis before?” Hisoka smiles, licking his bottom lip and moving a hand over his own collar bone. Illumi shutters, why did he take Hisoka with him? He should have known where this would have ended up, now he can’t even enjoy his bath. Illumi awkwardly stands up from the bench. He doesn’t want to waste the money he earned just for the satisfaction of Hisoka not being able to get off…right? He drops his shorts around his ankles and dips the tip of his toe in the bubbling water. he bends over to throw his shorts in the hamper. 

“I like the view.” Illumi hears his smirk, he doesn’t even need to turn around to see it. hes too worn out to stab him in the forehead or actually kill him for commenting on his ass, so Illumi grabs a hand towel and raps it around his waist. Hisoka rolls his eyes, he hasn’t gotten any action in a week and he swears he is loosing function in his left eye. 

its hot, but that’s not why Illumi is sweating. 

“That’s a good boy. Now loose the towel.” Hisoka purrs, sitting on the seat under the water. Illumi freezes at that and almost topples head first into the water and breaks his neck. That would be a very anti-climatic ending to the Zoldyck’s life, being a professional assassin and dying naked in a hot tub because of being called a pet name. Illumi swears his hair sticks up on all ends like he was in blood lust, but it was more like a startled, black cat. Being mad and being turned on at the same time are things that Hisoka was so talented at making Illumi feel at the same time. “What’s wrong dear? Come in, come here.” 

‘’I will kill you. Right here.” Illumi wanted it to come off as scary, but his Adams apple is the size of a fucking apple right now so his voice cracks on the ‘you’. “I will hide the body, better yet, show it to Chrollo. If you keep up your hormonal antics, that is. I like you when you shut up.” Hisoka rolls his eyes again, leaning back. It takes all of Illumi’s assassin training to not stare down at the magician’s wet and naked body. 

“You play so hard to get. It really turns me on.” He smirks, the steam is so thick from the water its hard to see the lower half of his body but Illumi makes an assumption of what is going on under the water and he is not exactly happy about it. 

“This is sexual harassment.” Illumi says, staring at the steam that goes over the hot water. His hair is going to be so frizzy after this. 

“No, you’re my boyfriend, I have the right to comment on your ass.” Hisoka is so fucking smug, so confident in the fact that Illumi was not going to punch him in the jaw and leave him for a rich man that does not wear at least a pound of make up a day. 

“Boyfriend? Not for long of you keep that attitude.” Illumi finds it hard not to freeze, blush, maybe even loose his breath when he is referred to as Mr. Marrow, Hisoka’s boyfriend, Fiancee or even husband. He loves it, but it almost feels unnatural having someone love him as much as Hisoka does, even though he knows that one day, Illumi will kill him. 

“Illumi, love, you know I’m the one for you.” Illumi can’t tell if it is just hot in the bath because the steam was increasing or was it the face Hisoka was completely naked and flirting with him with the bed room look in his shiny, yellow eyes. 

“Stop ..fucking….me with you eyes.” Illumi brushes hair behind his ear as he slides into the hot water.

“You stop looking at me like that and I’ll stop thinking about fucking you right here, right now.” Hisoka licks his upper lip. Illumi is almost shoulder deep in the water and blushing like an idiot. The water feels thicker then he would have expected, the air tension thick enough to be cut with an axe. How does he respond to that? 

He moans.

It was an accident. It slid out, sexual repression of his sexuality for years piles up and he just moans. Hisoka looks just as surprised as he is. they look at each other, and look away. Then they stare at each other. It is quiet except for the bubbling of the hot tub and Illumi’s heart pounding in his ears. 

“Darling, are you alright?” 

“It would be highly inappropriate to have sex in the onsen bath. This is mother’s garden and I cannot have sex here.” Illumi sputters, eyes darting to the sides. Hisoka just laughs, sadistically as he always does. Illumi knows the nerves and the struggle turn him on, hell, it even turns Illumi on. The idea of someone being able to catch them, the fact it was his mother’s bath….fuck, Illumi feels a familiar, warm, pooling sensation at the pit of his stomach. 

“Why, dearest, would it be inappropriate?” Hisoka asks, hands drawing small circles in the warm and steaming water. 

“Because what if mother catches us? My mother cannot know of my boyfriend, she cannot know I have someone to care about.” 

“You parents are married, are they not?” Hisoka purrs, confused to why the Zolydck’s care so much about what an adult like Illumi does. 

“Devotion to another human makes you stronger, I have told you this before.”

“So, why not devotion to me? You were pretty devoted to my dick not too long ago.” 

“Gross.” 

“So, why not have sex in the onsen? If they catch us, I’ll just use texture surprise to hide us and you can just slide off of me.” The way he words things makes all of the blood in Illumi’s brain go straight to his penis. He is very convincing. Illumi sinks deeper in into the warm water. Snow starts to come down, melting when it hits the steam of the bath. 

“The sky is very pretty tonight, Illu. Dark and hypnotizing like your eyes.” Hisoka changes the subject, sticking his hand out to touch the snow falling down in flutters around them. Illumi blushes, he was always insecure about his eyes because they were not blue like his father’s or his brother’s, but Hisoka seemed to love them almost as much as he enjoys a stick of bungee gum. 

“The sun is like your eyes. Yellow.” Illumi was never a poet, he didn’t even try, but Hisoka started laughing and smiled at him across the bath. 

“Come and sit in front to me. I want to wash your hair.” Hisoka smiles, eyes closed and innocent as a sexual deviant like him can. Illumi does what he says, crawling like a dog across the bottom of the hot tub-like bath to sit in front of Hisoka. He grabs the basket of shampoos and soap, pouring some into his hand before massaging it into Illumi’s scalp. Hisoka leans down to kiss Illumi’s shoulder and neck while he rubs coconut oil into his boyfriend’s long, black hair. 

“So...you’re parents don’t know you are gay.” Hisoka says, breath warm against Illumi’s ear. 

“No...no, they don’t.” Illumi sputters,   
Hisoka’s hand moving down his chest. 

“I know I’m not the only man you have been with, but how come they haven’t figured it out?” 

“As an assassin, we usually don’t do relationships.”

“Your parents are married, did they just meet and get married?” Hisoka jokes, but Illumi looks up at him with narrowed eyes. 

“Arranged marriage.” 

“Oh.” 

“They want me to marry a rich girl.” Illumi sighs, Hisoka’s heart sinks when those words drop from his boyfriend’s lips. “But I want you.” Hisoka’s eyes light up, tongue poking out between his lips. 

“Doesn’t it bother you...that they don’t know?”

“My family kill people for a living. My sex life is the least of their worries, honey.” 

“It’s more than a sex life.” 

“To my parents it is. We get married to carry on the Zoldyck name and the blue and white featured genes.” Illumi only has one, he has no real reason to marry other than love because Hisoka will not be taking the Zoldyck name, that’s for damn sure. 

“Are you parents your world?” Hisoka asks, knowing the real answer. 

“No. It’s you and Kil.” Illumi says, leaning his head back into Hisoka’s lap, looking up at the snow coming down from the sky. Hisoka smiles, meek and genuine. He smiles, not grins, which is such a rare thing for him. 

“I have strong loyalty to you, dearest Illu.” Hisoka combs a finger through his hair, trailing down his face, resting a thumb on his bottom lip. “Beyond our relationship.”

“What do you mean?” Illumi questions.

“It is not important right now.”

“Oh.”

Then, Hisoka presses a kiss to his nose, distracting Illumi from what he had brought up. 

"Look at you." Hisoka purrs, stroking Illumi’s hair behind his ear, a hand on his thigh moving upwards. 

Illumi looks. He sees a pale body submerged in steaming water, battle and abuse scars down his abdomen, muscle from years of training and a half hard dick against his thigh under the bubbles. Hisoka whispers for him to move off of his lap, which he does with ease. Then Hisoka presses his chest against Illumi’s and kisses him hard and Illumi forgets whatever he was worrying about being caught. 

The key to this, he figures, is to act like he knows what he's doing. Illumi has never had sex in the onsen, or sex underwater in general. Once, they bathed together and Illumi did a quick, under-the-water handjob to Hisoka. Hisoka seemed pleased with the hand-job, and Illumi thinks he likes the way Illumi is kissing him like there's no tomorrow, so as long as he keeps going like this, there'll be no need to tell Hisoka that he's never done any of this before. Any of this being of corse, sex in his mother’s garden in the family bath. He supposes he'll just grin and bear it if Hisoka wants to fuck him in the ass without lube under water. False confidence - that's how he'll get through this.

"I want to blow you," he hears himself say. It's quite possible he's never said those words in that order before. He's definitely never meant them. Just thinking about Hisoka’s cock makes his own twitch - arousal has never been this simple.

"Can't say no to that, Illu.” Hisoka grins, placing a kiss to Illumi’s wet mouth and sitting on the bench. "Where d'you want me?"

"There is fine," Illumi says, even though he'd probably rather if Hisoka was laid on his back than looking down at him, scrutinising his technique in a locked bedroom far, far away from his family home. He scrapes his hair out of his face and gets to his knees under the water, scraping them slightly. This blowjob needs to be good enough for Hisoka to finish fast enough that Illumi won’t get pre-matured aging from the hot water. Vain, but he would like to keep his appearance.

His hand seems like a good stepping-stone - it's easier to wrap his hand around Hisoka’s length like he would his own, stroking him slow and steady and listening to him moan. Maybe he could just stay down here, stroking Hisoka to orgasm, and Hisoka wouldn't notice he didn't use his mouth. Drowning with cock in one’s mouth seems like a sad way for someone who has faced as many life-or-death situations as Illumi has. 

“Come on.” Hisoka says, yanking a clump of Illumi’s wet hair from the back of his head. 

Illumi pulls back his long, wet hair, inhales all the oxygen he can and raps his lips around the tip of Hisoka’s length, submerging his head under the warm water. He hears Hisoka groan something, but he’s underwater and scared and oh my god, there is dick in his mouth in his mother’s garden. Illumi bobs up for air, hands working underwater to jerk off his boyfriend. Hisoka yanks his hair again, pulling Illumi’s mouth back underwater and onto the head of his erection. Illumi tries to suck like he would when he is pulling out venom, but he can not. 

“I can’t...I can’t blow you underwater. I’ll drown.” Illumi pants, tongue out and water dripping down his face. 

“S’okay, darling. I’ll just fuck you instead.” Hisoka smiles, hands around Illumi’s neck. He moans in response, Hisoka combing hair out of Illumi’s face before kissing him and licking at his lips. There is no lube, which was Illumi’s fear because Hisoka is far, far from small, but, there is coconut oil and shampoo. That won’t be as good as the cotton candy lube Hisoka likes to use when he eats him out, but it will be better than water and pure pain. Illumi does not understand his boyfriend’s obsession with flavored and pink colored lube. Hisoka reaches for the basket full of the soaps and oils, Illumi knows what that means. 

“How would you want me?" Illumi says in a meek voice. 

"On my lap. I like to see your face when you cum.” Hisoka purrs, hands around Illumi’s face. Illumi is neck deep in the steaming water, but he rises up to straddle the magician’s lap. “Good boy.” 

“I’m in charge here, remember?” Illumi grabs Hisoka’s neck, summoning a pin from lord knows where - he’s completely in the nude and in a bath - to press against Hisoka’s Adam Apple enough to draw little droplets of blood. He just grins, Hisoka loves how feisty Illumi gets when he isn’t the dom during their relations. 

“Hm. Darling, of corse you are. Prep your self, I want to watch.” Hisoka hands Illumi a bottle of bath oil, relaxing backwards and spreading his arms. Illumi’s thighs are on either side of Hisoka’s lap, he kneels up on the wooden bench submerged under the water, pouring the oil down his fingers. Hisoka’s eyes widen, then they smile. He is very good at smiling with his eyes, but this, this is a sinister smile. Illumi reaches behind, moving the warm oil down the cleft of his own ass before finding his hole and pressing in with two fingers. He groans, biting his bottom lip. Hisoka mutters praises, watching with a smile as the assassin fucks himself with his fingers until he feels prepped enough. Hisoka reaches for his own throbbing erection, but Illumi slaps him with his free hand.

“I never said you could touch yourself.” He barks, pulling his fingers out and moving forward. “I will be doing the work for you.” Hisoka grunts something, kissing down Illumi’s hot neck with teeth and tongue. Illumi lifts himself until he can feel the heat of the tip against his opening under the water. Without warning, he presses down, piercing himself and clawing at Hisoka’s muscular shoulders.

“Warn me before you do that, would you?” Hisoka moans, yanking at his hair and biting down on his collar bone.

“I’m in charge.” Illumi says, before rising up again and moving down slowly.

“I know.”

“Good boy.” Illumi smiles, then moans something inaudible as Hisoka raises his hips to meet Illumi’s ass. They move symbiotically, perfectly balanced with thrusts and groans under the water. The pool sloshes, water dipping out of the sides of the bath as Hisoka picks up Illumi by the ass and presses him against the cold wall of the bath, over him in missionary style. 

“Don’t call me good boy.” Hisoka grunts, moving up and down inside of the heat of Illumi and the water. 

“You said I was in charge.” Illumi’s legs rap around Hisoka’s toned stomach, nails digging into his back enough to draw blood.

“I lied.” Hisoka mouths against his lips, moving up faster than before, making Illumi cry out a bit too loud. “Shh, this is your mother’s garden bath, after all.” Illumi moans again, there’s something so dirty and so good about the chance they could get caught any minute. 

“Fuck me harder.” Illumi asks, licking Hisoka’s chin. Hisoka does what he says, pressing him against the stone wall and grabbing both of his wrists above Illumi’s head. “Touch me, now.” Illumi demands, biting Hisoka’s shoulder. 

“You aren’t in change anymore.” Hisoka moves a hand around the shaft of Illumi’s cock, rubbing up and down with every thrust and movement of his hips. 

“Fuck you.” Illumi spirts, almost over aroused. His nerves are sticking on ends, feet were numb from the heat of the water and his ass was aching from the large length of Hisoka. He’s in pain, but in pleasure and never wants to leave this position against the stone wall of the hot tub. 

“I am. I am.” Hisoka grins, hands yanking at Illumi’s hair before the assassin comes in a shout underneath him. He cums so hard he goes blind for what feels like a minute, screaming bloody-murder as he does so. Hisoka finishes with a loud ‘oh~’ a minute after, and they lay in the aftermath of bloody water and sweaty messes afterwards. 

“Get out, we’ll miss dinner.” Illumi says, trying to stand up but both of his legs are numb. He falls into the water, Hisoka laughing a bit harder than he means to. They walk back from the baths, well fucked and warm from the freezing walk up Kukuroo mountain. 

“I heard screaming from the garden.” Milluki says at dinner, Illumi turning a bright red and glancing at a giggling Hisoka. 

“Probably Kalluto.” Kikyo assures, taking a sip of her wine. Kalluto just blinks, looks at his food and then looks at Hisoka. 

“Yes. It was me. I was in the garden, playing with the snow.” Kalluto says. “So were Illumi and Hisoka. They were in the bath.” 

Milluki’s eyes widen, Illumi freezes, eyebrow furrowed, Hisoka smirks and Kikyo drops her wine glass.

“WHAT?!” She yells, glancing at Silvia with angered red light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! sorry for a late update, i have been swamped w school :(( comments and kudos rlly keep me motivated to write so if yall could say smth nice or leave a kudo that would be so rad ilysm 
> 
> sorry for the cliff hanger but lets just say, shit is gonna go down lmao


	3. hisoka pretends to be santa (part. 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ice skating, family dinner, close calls, falling in lakes and i love yous

The room is silent except for the quiet chewing of Kalluto. Silvia looks at Kikyo, Kikyo looks at Hisoka - any way she can, the woman does not have human eyes - Hisoka looks at Illumi and Illumi has his face in his hands.

“Where were you two today? Seemed quite busy.” Milluki says, eyebrows lowered and the corners of his pudgy mouth were twisted into a knowing grin. Illumi keeps a poker face, trying his hardest to suppress the blush growing hot on his cheeks. 

“Illumi took me to the town. Quite cute, if I do say so.” Hisoka smiles, nonchalant and relaxed. Illumi wants to punch him, possibly even kill him. 

“Oh? And the garden? You took a bath?” Milluki pushes, starting to giggle under his breath. What was so funny? Why was Milluki laughing at the utter failure of hiding his boyfriend Illumi has fallen into. His younger brother might have seen him riding Hisoka before marriage in his mother’s onsen bath. His body shivers, hands clamp and Illumi starts to sweat. Kikyo glances, red lights at Hisoka, Silvia grilling Illumi with his blue eyes, stabbing him in the only part of his body that still had any emotion. Panic is an emotion, and Illumi is feeling it. 

“Illumi hates the bath. What were you doing?” Kikyo says in her annoying, high pitched voice. 

“The snow hit us while we were in town. I was quite cold, so Illumi set up the bath for me. It was quite nice, I have never had an onsen bath before.” Hisoka holds out his hand in a gesture at Illumi, then glances back at Silvia with narrowed, yellow eyes. “Illumi did not want to get in, he said it made his hair frizzy.” 

“Thats not true. I saw Illumi in the bath when I was practicing.” Kalluto states in a low and meek tone, hands toying with the table cloth. Illumi swallows a ball of saliva the size of the fucking New Years ball in York New City. Milluki starts laughing, cackling. Hisoka’s face goes pale, frown twisting on his face.

“You lie, Hisoka?” Zeno takes a sip of his tea, looking over at a confused Hisoka. 

“No, Illumi was barley in the tub with me. He just wanted to wash his body, not his hair. A quick warm up after a cold walk.” Hisoka shrugs, so nonchalant. Illumi’s organs feel like they are going to exit his body, his skin is crawling and his body is heating up. His mother will not react well to knowing he is gay, knowing he is engaged to a magician from the foster system. 

“I see.” Zeno says, taking another sip of his tea. Kikyo looks like she is on to them, her stone cold and electronic glance peering into Illumi like she would when he was a teenager. 

“Strange….Did you enjoy the bath at least?” Kikyo asks, hands folded with suspicion. 

“Yes, yes I did.” Hisoka smiles, eyes closed. Illumi’s dick perks at the sound of his voice. he knows that tone Hisoka graciously used, the enjoyment of the bath was not because he was relaxed without Illumi. It was because he came hard and hot inside of Illumi’s heated body. Illumi never thought he would be so aroused over something as simple as saying ‘yes, yes I did.’ ..or aroused by being around his own parents. Parents who were on to him and Hisoka’s relationship. He prayed he wouldn’t get - for lack of better words - a boner at the dinner table over his boyfriend talking to his grandfather. 

“Good to hear. I wish Illumi would enjoy baths like you do.” 

“Oh, Miss. Zoldyck, Illumi enjoyed the bath quite a bit.” Hisoka licks his upper lip, his own thumb on his bottom lip. Illumi shivers, blood rushing. God, why was Hisoka so sexy and for what reason? 

“Are you two…sexually involved? I saw Illumi changed his father’s file on you with your natural hair color…assuming he would be looking at the pubic hair.” Kikyo coughs like she is holding back vomit, Illumi’s aura champing from scared to shocked and unsure. Hisoka coughs up his wine, looking up at Illumi who is sweating profusely. Kalluto does not know what that means, so the adult conversation is fine to have. Milluki, on the other hand, absolutely knows what that means and starts chuckling under his breath. Hisoka side eyes him, scoffing. 

“He knows my natural hair color because I told him. I wax down there, Miss Zoldyck.” Hisoka grins, gesturing to his crotch. Hisoka does wax, Illumi would know. Of corse he would know, he is more familiar with Hisoka’s pubic area than he is with his own brothers, as much as that might anger him. “Me and Illumi are strictly professional. I respect his job as an assassin and know he could kill me any time. I find it fun that my life is always on the line with him.” Silvia nods, he looks…almost impressed (?) with Hisoka. Illumi sighs, professional his ass. His ass he is probably going to get eaten tonight. 

“Well, I am sorry I ever assumed there was anything more than a business partnership between you two. It’s clear that I was over reacting.” Kikyo states in failure, the weight of the fucking world falling off of Illumi’s tense shoulders. 

“Yes, trust me, if me and dear Illumi were a couple, you would hear it.” Hisoka smirks, ear to ear. There are several auditable groans from most of the adults. 

“Well….that’s good to hear. I think this will be the end of this dinner, you may all be dismissed.” Kikyo claps her hands, shooing Kalluto - her shadow - away and everyone at the table stands up. Illumi’s dick twitches, watching Hisoka grab two wine glasses with one hand…his big, strong hands…Illumi blinks slowly, eye lids getting heavy with arousal and sleepiness. 

-

“Fuck, fuck me right now.” Illumi moans against Hisoka’s mouth, trying to work off his boyfriend’s top off. Illumi’s chest is pressed up Hisoka’s, his back against the door of his bedroom. 

“You dirty boy. Thinking I’m going to fuck you again after what just happened?” Hisoka’s hand drifts to his ass, just under the swell of it. “Get on the bed, would you?” 

Illumi doesn't reply but he doesn't move away either, instead he leans back into him, allowing Hisoka to gently nudge his legs apart, his knees inside Illumi’s as his hand moves lower, fingertips encountering the coarse hair that trails down from his bellybutton and between his legs. Hisoka slides his hand a little lower, his hand slowly enveloping Illumi’s rapidly hardening dick, exploring, reacquainting himself with a body he once knew every inch of. He already knew his body like a map, every nook and cranny was his property. Just thinking about the power he has over Illumi in bed makes him moan under his breath. Thinking about the power Illumi has…his aura make him moan out load though, against Illumi’s neck as he presses on top of him. 

“Excited, are we?” Illumi smiles oh so slightly, hands behind Hisoka’s ears as they kiss again. 

“You have no idea, love.” Hisoka wants to tell Illumi that he loves him, that he's so sorry he fucked everything up and almost got them caught but Illumi’s moaning- no, sighing his name and it's all he can do not to shove his pants down to the floor and bury himself inside of him. Hisoka presses a kiss to Illumi’s belly button, licking down his close-shaved happy trail. There is a very erotic sight of Hisoka unbuttoning his leather pants, hands moving down his body and over the swell of his cock though the fabric of the pants. He slides his hand back around Illumi’s cock, begins to stroke slow and even, his thumb dipping into the slit and slicking the moisture he finds there around the head. 

Illumi is getting close, his breathing ragged and uneven, his hips pushing desperately against Patrick's hand, head rolled back against his shoulder. Patrick's fingers are so taut against Pete's hip he's sure he must be bruising him but he doesn't seem to mind. Nor does he object to Patrick grinding his stiff cock against his ass through the fabric of their clothes, if anything Pete seems to press back against him, perhaps as eager for more as he is. Hisoka presses a kiss to the mole near the base of his dick, muttering “Cute.” As he does so. 

“I’m going to give you head now, okay?” Hisoka smiles, licking up the underside of Illumi’s sweating dick. 

“Okay.” Illumi stammers, blushing the color of Hisoka’s hair. Illumi bites his lip, hard, as Hisoka lowers his head, eyes still locked on Illumi’s dark eyes as he begins to kiss his thigh gently, making his way slowly towards his cock. His pulse is racing, his world reduced to this room, this bed, Hisoka’s lips and his cock as finally, on his grandfather’s grave, finally, Hisoka takes him into his mouth. 

Illumi closes his eyes, stars exploding behind closed lids, because if he watches his cock sliding in and out of his mouth he's going to come in seconds. He tries to think of anything to stop him from cumming prematurely, such as car crashes and Gon Freecs’ hair. Does that kid ever shower? Hisoka sucks him like he's never going to get the chance again, like he's desperate for him, like it's the only thing he wants to do and it's the horniest thing Illumi’s ever experienced. Hisoka wants his cock, craves it, desires it, desires him, wants him. Hisoka’s hand is suddenly wrapped around him and he bucks up to his touch, his palm and mouth working together perfectly as he strokes Illumi’s shaft whilst working his tongue around the head. 

Illumi finishes, no longer thinking of anything but, oh my god, he just came down Hisoka’s throat so hard he saw stars. Fucking stars. 

“You are a work of art, Illumi.” Hisoka grins, kissing his thigh. 

“Tha…thanks?” Illumi pants, sweaty and tired. 

“My turn.” Hisoka grins, hands moving down to the heat of Illumi’s ass with his - newly - trimmed nails and groomed finger tips. Hisoka presses soft, wet kisses against Illumi’s thighs, drawing gradually closer and closer to where he knows Illumi aches for him to be. Illumi won't beg though, he knows that, not yet at least. He slides an arm under his thigh, reaching around and gently grasping it, pulling it back, opening him up a little more to his gaze and his mouth. He glances up, smiling at Illumi as their eyes meet. Illumi does not smile back, he looks away blushing. 

“I cannot believe we almost got caught. I cannot believe what you said in front of my mother.” Illumi groans, knuckles in his mouth with arousal as Hisoka licks under his thigh and over to the cleft of his ass. 

“Sorry.” He shrugs, not pausing for a response before he slides his tongue inside of Illumi, moving it in a slow, easy rhythm that has him gasping an almost inaudible curse. 

“It is.. it’s fine you are making it up.” Illumi gasps, Hisoka eating him out like it was fighting children. He was good at it. “Get the lube, please.” Hisoka sides out from between his legs, grabbing a pink bottle full of strawberry scented lube, Hisoka loves the flavored and pink stuff. No surprise from Illumi once they started sleeping together. The first time they fucked, Hisoka used Bungee Gum to tie him up and fucked him with bubble gum lube to a horror movie in the background. And Illumi would do it again. And he has. 

Illumi watches with wide eyes as Hisoka covers his ring and middle finger with lube, slicking him up and pressing in. He is still prepped from the romp in the garden, but Hisoka doesn’t want to damage the goods before they fight. 

Hisoka rolls off him and onto his back, urging Illumi on top, hands running gently over his hips, Illumi’s resting a little further onto Hisoka’s ripped stomach than he needs to, Hisoka’s dick pushed down and back against Illumi’s ass but if he raises his hips, slides them back just an inch or two and then pushes down... He swallows heavily, watching his own hand as it slides up and over Illumi’s hip, up the soft skin of his side before sliding across his chest, fingers straining ahead as he touches Pete's throat then he's touching Illumi’s cheek, their eyes meeting as he smiles. Hisoka loves him on top, Illumi loves to be on top. Hisoka likes to see him finish, he likes to see what he is going to do to him. 

“Are you okay, darling?” Hisoka asks for the second time, this is Illumi’s last chance to stop, to call a halt to everything and send him back to heavens arena or maybe kill him. 

"Yeah," Illumi replies as he raises his hips, slides back a few inches and then pushes down slowly, just how Hisoka wanted him to. Hisoka feels his cock sliding into him, engulfed in tight heat. Fuck, he's so fucking tight. Hisoka has had a lot of sex, but Illumi is the best he has ever had. 

Hisoka’s hands slip back to Illumi’s hips, following the movement as he embeds his cock inside of him completely. He digs his fingers in hard, hard enough to bruise, holding Pete still as he gasps for breath. Illumi wriggles against his grasp a little, trying to move but fuck, if he does Illumi is going to explode and that isn't how he intends this to end.

"Tell me how it feels," Hisoka murmurs, rubbing Illumi’s cock a little harder, just a tiny bit faster. "My cock inside you, how does it feel, dearest Illu?” 

"So good," Illumi pants, his pace on him increasing. "You have a huge dick for a such an asshole.”

“You are not in the position to be calling me an asshole, Illumi.” Hisoka chuckles breathlessly, a dirty little laugh that hitches in his throat as Illumi stops suddenly, slipping off him as he whines in confusion, no idea at all as to why he's no longer inside of him. Illumi drags Hisoka on top of him, wrapping his legs around him once more, their lips meeting hungrily before Illumi pulls back long enough to speak.

“I want you to fuck me, I am tired of doing all the work for you.” Illumi smirks, licking his nose and over his lips. 

“Fine, only because…”

“You’re sorry for talking about pubes in front of my mom.” 

“Exactly.” Illumi’s hand moves a little faster, his breath hitching in his throat. The angle they're at he's pretty much punching Hisoka in the chest with each stroke, a drum beat that pounds in Hisoka’s ears. He props himself up a little further so he can watch him, watch the way his eyes close and his head tips back, a little frown of concentration creasing his brow. He keeps his thrusts deep and hard, grinding down onto him as his hips arch up to meet him. Illumi moans his name softly and he struggles to hold it together, determined he'll see him come.

“Shit, Hisoka, fuck-“ Illumi groans as his orgasm hits him like a Mack truck, his body shaking against Hisoka’s as Hisoka continues to fuck him…harder…harder. Hisoka comes not too long afterwards, biting down on Illumi’s shoulder as he cries out in his oh so well known moaning. It's so intense that for a moment it almost hurts, the throb of his cock perfectly matching the thunder of his pulse in his ears. His mouth crashes desperately into Illumi’s as he continues to thrust into him through the haze of pleasure, willing it to last just a minute longer. 

They lay on the pillows afterwards, talking to each other like they always do. 

“It’s three days until Christmas…I am still processing June.” 

“June was boring. I got very few jobs.” 

“I know, but less jobs for you means more Illumi time for me.” Hisoka smiles, playing with his long and tangled hair. 

“So sweet, but less jobs means less money for us.” 

“So less marshmallows?”

“Yes…less marshmallows.” Hisoka frowns. Illumi cracks a smile, making Hisoka smile more. 

“I love you, so much.” Hisoka kisses each one of his knuckles as he says so. Illumi flushes, biting his bottom lip. He wants to break down, no one but Hisoka has ever said that to him. Every time he says I love you, Illumi realizes what real love is, he knows what his parents have is just a relationship for money. An abusive relationship. 

“I love you…I love you, too.” Illumi whimpers, pulling his hand back and turning around in their bed. Hisoka knows what happens, this happens a lot, so he just cuddles up next to him and holds him as he cries softly against Hisoka’s chest. Illumi stops crying, kissing Hisoka’s nose and muttering how much he hates him under his breath. 

“I hate you, too.” Hisoka jokes, playing with his hair. “Now, let’s braid your hair so it does not get ruined in the morning.” 

_

Illumi wakes up to an empty bed, sunlight streaming through the windows and Hisoka’s clothes still on the floor. His hair is in a braid, tied with a bungee gum hair tie in glowing pink. 

“Dear god, please don’t have my boyfriend naked somewhere in the house.” Illumi prays to a god he does not believe in, sliding clothes on and untying his hair. Illumi checks his phone but there are no texts from Hisoka or anyone that he knows. Strange. 

Illumi walks down the stairs to Hisoka, in a Santa suit, Milluki dressed as an elf and Kalluto on Hisoka’s lap. Kikyo is taking pictures of them. What the actual fuck did Illumi just wake up to and why is his boyfriend dressed as Santa with Kalluto on his lap. 

“Ahem?” Illumi clears his voice, everyone in the living room turning. 

“Illumi, you’re up! Slept in, huh. Was someone keeping you up?” Hisoka smiles, suggestive eyebrows and a tongue out of the side of his mouth. 

“Shut up.” Illumi blushes, looking down at Milluki in his a size too small elf outfit. 

“What is going on?” 

“Your partner decided to surprise Kalluto as Santa so we are taking pictures to remember.” Kikyo says with a clam and happy voice, something so rare for an angry woman like herself. 

“Hm. And why is Milluki dressed like a troll?” Illumi asks, pointing at Milluki. 

“I AM A ELF, ILLUMI! OH MY GOD, AGGHHH.” 

-

“So…where did you get the Santa costume?” Illumi asks Hisoka, hands on the collar of It in the living room after laughing very hard at Milluki and Illumi’s disagreement and Kikyo’s photoshoot. Apparently, there are playing cards and they want to use Christmas Hisoka and Kalluto on them. 

“Texture surprise.” Hisoka winks, combing hair out of Illumi’s face. 

“Ew.”

“I’m wearing boxers and a tank top.” 

“Still…ew.”

“Your brother told me what he wanted for Christmas, but I am sworn to secrecy until Christmas Day.” Hisoka teases, looking around left and right before grabbing Illumi’s ass quickly. 

“Knock it off, or else.” His aura releases anger, but it only temps Hisoka more. 

“Or else what?” Illumi just pushes him off of his chest, growling something under his breath as Kikyo walks back into the room. She plans on training Kalluto today, so Hisoka and Illumi have no plans for today. Milluki is probably going to play video games, who the fuck knows what Zeno and Silvia will be doing. Hisoka wants to fight them so badly, but he stifles his bloodlust by having rough sex with Illumi as much as he can. It satisfies him for the time being, but god…he wants to fight Zeno and Silvia. 

“Or else I will not kill you.”

“You wouldn’t.” 

“Oh, I would.” Illumi narrows his eyebrows, hands ready to draw needles and pin Hisoka to the wall and castrate him. 

“Mm. Fine. I’ll knock it off.” Hisoka groans, pulling his hand off of Illumi’s ass. 

“Good. I’ve arranged a surprise for you today, so go get ready. Wear something warm.” 

“Surprise? Illumi? Being nice to me? Wow, am I dreaming?” Hisoka dramatically puts the back side of his head on his forehead, swinging back into a dramatic back bend. 

“Hurry before I change my mind.” 

Illumi’s surprise was a frozen lake at the foot of the mountain and two pairs of ice skates. Hisoka’s eye light up when he realizes what the surprise was. 

“I remember when you told me you wanted to go ice skating. Like that TV show you like so much.” Illumi starts, handing him a pair of ice skates. “I arranged for the lake to be checked that it is fully frozen over and I bought us skates. Do you like it? It is totally okay if you don’t, I understand-“ Illumi’s nervous rambling is cut off by Hisoka’s lips, hands around his waist and chests pressed together. 

“It’s amazing.” Hisoka smiles, genuine and kind. “I love it.” Illumi’s body tenses, any form of affection Hisoka gives him makes him melt inside. “And I love you.” Hisoka adds. ‘Damnit’ Illumi thinks, ‘I can’t cry here, crying is a sign of weakness’. He knows that it’s true, but it almost hurts how he knows that he has to kill him soon. At any given moment, his father could 

“I’m glad. Let’s skate.” Illumi sniffles, nose red from both blushing and the December cold. Hisoka laces up Illumi’s skates, kissing his knees and knuckles as he does so. They step on the ice, hand in hand. Illumi slips almost imminently, he clearly can not skate nor has he ever skated before. The skate is tight around his toes, strangely stiff underneath is feet. nothing like the flats he usually sports for missions or nights on the town. Hisoka double knots the laces, Illumi feels like there are gallons of cement strapped to his feet. His assassin’s brain thinks how would he escape Hisoka’s double knots if an attack where to occur. Mike was out on guard today, they should have nothing to worry about. 

“You should’ve told me you do not know how to skate, dear Illu.” Hisoka chuckles, holding out his hand to help Illumi up. He looks very good in a puffy, grey jacket, red ear muffs and blue mittens. It’s not usually what he would wear, but it is something to keep him warm. Functional for the winter cold, not if someone where to fight him. 

“I thought I would be able to. Ive killed presidents and I can not ice skate.” 

“I’ll teach you.” Hisoka helps him up, holding a shivering Illumi in his arms. “It’s like roller blading.” 

“I have never roller bladed.” 

“Oh yeah. I forgot you dont’ know how to have fun.” Hisoka teases, waving his free hand like he would to say hello. 

“Hey.” Illumi scowls, squeezing his hand with malicious but playful intent. 

“Oh. Well, it’s like walking but with blades under your feet.” Hisoka smiles, holding Illumi’s hands in his. Illumi’s breath his warm and grey in the December air. 

“Hm. Never done that.” 

“Of corse you haven’t.” Hisoka grins. “I know of few people who have ever done that.” 

“Who?” Illumi questions, almost slipping on the ice again. Hisoka catches him, then replies: 

“No one you would know, clumsy.” 

“Do not call me that. I demand you to teach me how to skate.” Illumi pouts, hands out 

“Okay, but only because you asked so nicely.” Hisoka presses his hand against Illumi’s shoulder, using him to push off and glide backwards on the ice. Illumi almost falls, but catches himself like a baby giraffe learning how to walk. Hisoka laughs at him, naturally, it is very funny to see someone so well mannered as Illumi fumble such as now. Illumi looks like a baby animal, fresh and new to his surroundings even though he has lived here and is quite familiar with the lake they stand on. 

“Help!…Help me….Ahh.” Illumi slides his feet back and forth, trying to stay up in one place. He frails his arms around, bending over and then falling on his face with a “shit” as he does so. 

“Wow. You are god awful.” Hisoka skates over to Illumi on the cold ice, hand out for him to grab. Illumi takes it, but spits on him as he does so. Hisoka just grins, tongue sticking out of his mouth as he does so. “Angry? Eh?” 

“Shut up.” 

Hisoka teaches him to skate. It is a process. He starts with the basics, you know, standing up and not breaking your tailbone. Illumi catches on fast, he has good balance, but fakes his skill so Hisoka can hold him against his chest as they skate. Illumi’s head is against his shoulder, arms around his ribs and under Hisoka’s arms. Hisoka keeps a firm grasp on his hips, guiding his movements as he skates with his hands. It is like the couple are dancing, perhaps more gracefully than a dance, the ice is the dance floor and the trees are their audience. They move together, each glide forward from Illumi is a push backwards from Hisoka. With every turn, Hisoka moves his feet back enough for Illumi to move his forward. Illumi’s breath is visible in the cold air, but he is warm against the magician’s chest as they move in a clockwise circle around the pond’s frozen surface. 

“How am I doing?” Illumi asks against the fabric of Hisoka’s jacket, hands gripping his back with the fear of falling. 

“Amazing, darling. Amazing.” Hisoka glides back, separating the pair so Illumi can skate on his own. Illumi does, in fact, skate on his own, gliding towards Hisoka with ten times the confidence than thirty minutes before hand. Illumi blushes, falling back into Hisoka’s strong and protective arms, holding him tight as they push off and glide again. 

“I…I love you.” Illumi mutters, licking Hisoka’s Adam’s apple as they skate, tongue going cold in the cool and dry air. 

“I love you too.” Hisoka purrs, grabbing his ass as they skate like he is holding on for dear life. 

They pause in the center of the lake, lips hovering over each other before kissing warmly like it is the last kiss they will ever have. Open mouths, chapped lips from the cold and warm tongues meet, hands over each other’s cold and tired bodies on the pond. 

“Tell me about this pond, Illu.” Hisoka says in his neck, kissing down it and licking over the side of Illumi’s neck.

“There are so many dead bodies under us right now.”

“Ughhh.” Hisoka moans into his neck, squeezing his ass and thighs as he does so. Hisoka kisses Illumi’s chapped and cold lips again, hungry and exploring the inside of his mouth like he was for the first time. 

“HOLY SHIT!” Someone yells, that someone being Milluki, in a giant, black puffer jacket yells on across from the lake, shaking. Illumi’s aura spikes, he is already in a state of ren to fight his brother, maybe kill him so no one will never know he has had sex with Hisoka. Hisoka jumps, yelping something inaudible. 

They look at each other in panic, because this time.

This time, they are fucked. 

The ice cracks, Milluki screams: “ILLUMI IS GAY?!” and Hisoka falls through the frozen pond’s surface into the water with a splash and a scream. He uses bungee gum to grab onto Illumi, but that does not work and they both fall into the lake to Milluki screaming for his mother and father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just wanted to use this blurb to say that the book feitan was reading was not CP but a book on torture bc hes a tortuer....anyways its my birthday soon so thats cool hhhh plz leave kudos and comments if u want?


	4. Part 4: Kirapika fan service

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirpaika and Milluki make an appearance, along with mentions of Shizuku and Leorio. What else can you want? Also out lovers face conflict, but can they get through it? Will Kikyo yell more? Will there be ANOTHER sex scene?

Illumi has never felt more helpless in his life. There were so many times he had felt helpless, throughout his childhood of abuse and raising Killua just for his parents to love him more. This moment, the moment the ice cracks under Hisoka’s skates and the electric love is rapped around his leg before he can protest, that is the most helpless Illumi as ever been. Milluki is loosing his mind over what he just saw, and if Illumi l was not almost drowning in ice cold water right now, he would be freaking out too. 

Luckily for the couple, Milluki was not very fast or efficient in his escape to tell his parents that Illumi has been having life changing sex with Hisoka since the hunter’s exam. 

“Milluki! You motherfucker!” Illumi coughs and yells, trying to tread water in the freezing cold with Hisoka clinging to his soaking body. Hisoka can swim, at least illumi has never seen him drown. There are very few things Hisoka can’t do, swimming isn’t one of them. Maybe, it was the shock of being caught or the shock of the cold water. Illumi wonders why Hisoka is clinging to him like this, pushing his head down and yelling for Milluki to stop. It’s a sad scene, Milluki is winded and panting after a quick sprint.

“Use electric love, asshole, get us out of here!” Hisoka listens, for the first time in his life, he listens. Hisoka’s nen raps around a nearby tree, grabs Illumi’s waist like Trazan and swings the sopping-wet couple out of the icy water. Milluki screams bloody murder when he sees a soaking wet, hair-stuck-to-face-like-cousin-it Illumi running after him in pure bloodlust with pins ready. 

“ILLUMI PLEASE DON’T HURT ME!” Milluki whines, rolling back on the snow as Illumi pounces on him like a lion on a dying zebra. That rabid and angry. 

“Tell a soul about what you saw, and I’ll kill you.” Illumi’s eyes are in spirals of scribbles, angry like when Hisoka joked about killing Killua. 

“That aura is hot, Illumi.” Hisoka moans, fanning himself dramatically as he watches Illumi fume with anger. 

“Shut up.” Illumi barks, Milluki makes a gaging sound. 

“Too late. I texted Kalluto.” Milluki smiles, Illumi’s pin against his Adam’s apple, ready for a critical hit. “And you two are gross. That’s my brother you are moaning about.” 

“I know. He likes it gross, Milluki.” Hisoka grins. Illumi doesn’t know who he wants to kill first. 

“Ugh...” Milluki grunts. “Mom and Dad are not happy.”

“How do you know?” Illumi yells, pressing the pin against his chin. 

“An assumption. By now, Kalluto has already ratted you out. Say good bye to having loud sex next door to me.”

“You knew already?” Hisoka sounds surprised, because he is. 

“It was an assumption....I honestly thought it was Illumi going private but now...now it’s obvious and it’s disturbing how much I slept through.” Milluki gags, Hisoka laughs and Illumi gets more angry.

“I. Will. Kill. You.” Illumi looms, blood dripping from the needles against Milluki’s chin. 

“Do it. That won’t change that you are fucking Hisoka Marrow.” Milluki shrugs, gesturing at Hisoka. 

“I have nothing to be ashamed of. He’s my fiancé, okay?” Illumi admits, drawing another needle. “Hisoka is my partner and we work together, always. I will kill you if you get our way, send your bloody corpse to mother and father as a warning.” 

“Fine, jeez. Get off of me and deal with Kalluto. Just don’t have sex so loud.” 

“UGH. I hate you, Milluki. I’m glad Killua stabbed you.” Illumi jumps off of him, stomping his foot like a ten year old. 

“Fuck you!”

The couple run up to the mansion, leaving Milluki winded and panting at the bottom of it. When they arrive back, it’s too late.

Kalluto stands in the living room, phone in hand and talking to Kikyo. Kikyo looks angered, fists clenched. Illumi swallowed a lump in his throat and prepares for the worst. 

The worst was an understatement. Kikyo knows that Illumi has been sexually active in his life, but with a man that isn’t royal or rich is what disgusts her. She yells at Hisoka for taking her dear illumi away, even though they are awful to him and view the assassin as disposable. Illumi takes the screaming like it’s nothing, which breaks Hisoka’s heart knowing that that behavior was normal for him. 

“I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU SLEPT WITH...WITH A CLOWN!” Kikyo yells, covering Kalluto’s ears as she does so. Illumi stand there, no thoughts at all because why would he. There was a big thing Illumi realized when he was pinning his brother down in anger. The thing was that he was an adult. He was his own man. He was in love with Hisoka, and for the first time in his life, he was happy. Nothing Kikyo could yell about that would change his mind. New found confidence was something that Hisoka did gift to Illumi this Christmas. 

“He’s my boy...” illumi glances at Hisoka for the ‘okay’ to call him “friend. Boyfriend.” 

“WHAT?!” That only poured gasoline on the fire that was Kikyo.

“We are a couple, mother. Don’t act like you care about me all of a sudden. You call me disposable, so I may date whoever I want if I am so...disposable.” Illumi hisses, causing Hisoka to smile and mouth that’s my boy as he says so. Milluki coughs loudly in agreement, everyone in the Zoldyck family was disposable except for Killua. 

Kalluto looks at Illumi with wide eyes, then looks at Hisoka. 

“Wait until Shizuku hears about this.” Kalluto giggles, covering his mouth as he says so. 

“You-“ Kikyo starts, unsure about what to say. 

“Hm?” Hisoka barges into the argument. 

“I want this clown gone from the mansion.”

“MAGICIAN!”

“Fine. I want this MAGICIAN gone from my mansion and Illumi, I want you in the basement.” The basement meant punishment, everyone knew that. Milluki was the family punisher when the kids acted up, so Milluki sits up and starts his walk towards the basement. Illumi sweats, he doesn’t want Hisoka alone for the holidays. Personally, Illumi couldn’t care less about Christmas. Hisoka does though, he cares about Illumi too. Illumi even bought him a present, bungee gum like from his childhood. Sweet, he knows. 

“Can I have a minute with Hisoka before he leaves?”

“Fine. Meet Milluki in the basement in fifteen minutes or we kill you.” Kikyo fluffs her dress before grabbing Kalluto’s hand and walking out of the room. 

“Okay.” 

Hisoka stands at the foot of Illumi’s bed, packing his stuff in a rush. Illumi sits on the bed, watching him with wide and sorry eyes. 

“Hisoka?”

“What? Going to keep me a secret again?” He says in an angered tone, strange for him because he is always calm and pompous. Illumi flinches, he doesn’t like to be yelled at by his favorite person. 

“Sorry.” Illumi’s stomach feels like it is eating it’s self inside of him. He wants to evaporate right here, right now. 

“Yeah. You should be. I’m sorry...I’m just tried of being your boyfriend until it’s actually time to be my boyfriend.” Hisoka sighs. “I hope you have a good Christmas.”

“Wait!” 

“What, love?”

“I...I love you.” Tears bubble behind his eyes, Illumi blinks them back. He grabs the sheets of the bed in anger, running up to Hisoka and grabbing his collar for a good bye kiss.

“I love you too...believe me, I do....”

“Then stay.” Illumi cries, burying his head in Hisoka’s shoulder. He has never been so emotionally vulnerable ever. In his entire life. This was a first. Illumi never thought he would be here. 

“but I can’t be with someone who can’t be with me. I’ll be going home, alright?” Hisoka says, kissing the crying man’s forehead. “I’ll see you after the holidays for a mission. I think it’s best we keep our relationship strictly for business.” 

“But-“

“But what? I’m sorry...I just can’t be with you like this.” Hisoka peels a tearing Illumi off of his shoulder. 

“I...I love you.”

“I know.” Hisoka looks up like he is blinking back tears, because he was. “I love you too. That’s the problem.”

“Them don’t leave. Fuck my mother, she’s a dick.” Hisoka regrets teaching Illumi how to swear so freely because of moments like this. 

“I know she is. But I don’t want you to be in pain. I don’t want you to be abused because you love me. I want you to be safe more than anything.” Hisoka holds Illumi close, heart shattering as he says that. He’s so sorry for what Illumi had to go through, is going through just to be with him. This was real love, real, untied love that you read about on Wattpad that doesn’t exist in real life...but it was here.

“Don’t leave. Please.” Illumi sounds more like a sad puppy than an assassin with a kill list of over one hundred. 

“I have to. I don’t want you hurt.” Hisoka kisses the shaking man’s scalp. “I’m going back to heavens arena as a floor master. If you ever need me, just call alright?” 

“Please don’t go.”

“Illu-“

“Don’t fucking Illu me.” Illumi cries, grabbing Hisoka’s luggage. 

“I have to go. Illumi.” Hisoka says, ignoring Illumi’s sniffles. They kiss one last time, it’s bittersweet, they know it’s going to be the last time in a while. Illumi kisses him like he’s going to die; which wouldn’t be surprising if that’s what the author decides to throw in for the next plot twist. 

Hisoka catches the first flight out of Kukuroo mountian, escorted out of the Zoldyck manner like a war criminal. Hisoka isn’t far from being a war criminal though. It is a difficult thing for him to do, he wants to spend his forever with Illumi. 

At the same time, Hisoka had self respect. Almost too much self respect to the point he is a sadistic loner - aside from what used to be Illumi. Used to. 

A girl flirts with him on the flight, unbuttoning her shirt and pouring water on his lap like he is from a cheap porno. Hisoka wants to slap her and tell him he has a boyfriend...but he can’t do that anymore.

So he just slaps her.

Sexual assault isn’t cool, no matter the gender. 

Hisoka decides to text Kirapika, he wonders what that Kurta survivor is up to. They both share the same goal, kill Chrollo. different reasons though, Hisoka wants to fight him because he is horny, Kirapika wants to avenge his dead family. 

‘Hey Kurta. I broke up with Illumi but I want him back ⭐️—_—💧what do I do?’ Hisoka texts, thumbs moving across his phone screen. While he waits for a text back, he stares out the window. 

‘Don’t call me Kurta’ Kirapika responds quickly, surprising since Kirapika hates him. ‘Also why did u break up? U 2 r perfect 4 each other. Both fucking insane and scare the shit out of the kids’ “the kids” meaning Gon and Killua, whom Kirapika and his boyfriend, Leorio have practically adopted. 

‘His mom found out we were fucking♠️’ Hisoka texts, watering down the sadness he had to endure hours ago. 

‘Oh. Kil told me abt his mom.’

‘Yeah’

‘And why did u text me?’

‘Cuz u have a happy relationship with Leorio or whatever ⭐️—_—💧and I miss dearest Illu already♥️’ 

‘Just stop caring abt what his parents say!!’

‘Easy 4 u 2 say...ur parents r dead⭐️—_—💧’

‘TAKE THAT BACK, HISOKA’

‘Ok TYSM Pika :))’

‘DO NOT CALL ME PIKA’

Hisoka puts his phone down and leans his head against the window of the blimp to fall asleep. He is emotionally tired and misses holding Illumi. Already. Maybe he was emotionally dependent on Illumi Zoldyck. But so are you if you are reading this. 

-

Milluki holds a whip up to Illumi’s shirtless and pale skin. 

Illumi looks up at him, the air is tense, he is tied up similar to how they would to Killua, arms up like he is crucified. 

Then, Milluki does something he has never done before. 

He does a favor for Illumi. He lets him out of the arm bands, throwing his whip down and looking around the punishment room. 

“Get out of here. Go find Hisoka.” Milluki says, unlocking the shackles above Illumi’s hands. Illumi is shocked, looking up at him with a confused expression. 

“Huh?”

“I’m sorry I ratted you two out. Take this as an apology and Christmas gift.” Milluki grunts as Illumi is let free. Illumi punches him swiftly in the face, harsh and hard. Milluki takes it, because he deserves it for ratting the couple out and fucking - for lack of better words - up their relationship. 

“Son of a bitch.” Illumi spits on Milluki. He grabs his shirt and pulls it over his head. “Tell mom about this and I will kill you.” 

“No thank you?”

“Sorry. Thank you for being the family member I hate the least.” Illumi smiles, stepping out the emergency exit and starting to run. 

Illumi will spend this stupid Hallmark holiday with Hisoka if it’s the last fucking thing he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank u so much for the support on this fic it means the mf world. The next chapter will be pretty long and will come out on Christmas Eve :) I love u so much and happy holidays

**Author's Note:**

> Wow this is part one of a 5 part one shot and I’m so excited  
> Happy holidays whatever u celebrate I hope u enjoyed part one


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